My older brother - this is the one who was killed in 2004 - retired early from AT&T and moved to southern Arizona in the 1990's. He had always been a troubled, angry, and violent man. He had a terrible childhood, as I did; indeed he was not a small part of what was terrible about my own childhood. Yet I never stopped loving him. For all his troubles he was a person of incredibly vitality, a contagious sense of fun, and a wonderful, black sense of humor. He had this big, booming laugh that was irresistable.
(Yes, I'm going somewhere with this.)
After moving to Bisbee, he took up with a woman who had been a Hindu nun. Made friends with a Yaqui Indian. Started formulating this religion/philosophy based on Southwestern Native American beliefs. At intervals he would announce something startling like, "I was a shaman in a former lifetime." We, his sarcastic siblings, would just raise an eyebrow.
But... here's the thing. What he was exploring was really
good for him. There was a very perceptable change in his persona - he was so much happier. So much more positive. We all saw it. That edge of anger and violence was gone, for the first time ever.
He took to adjusting people's chakras (
Link - I have no idea whose website this is, but Ron Gregory was my brother; this is definitely his writing) and performing ceremonies involving the Great Circle. He had what he referred to as a "practice" - never got paid much for what he did, I don't think; mostly barter stuff; but there were eventually a lot of people who thought he had saved them from depression and bad childhoods and so forth.
The Great Circle ceremonies were... nice. He'd first have everyone purified by wafting burning sage smoke at them with an eagle feather (he was able to get these from his Indian friends). Then he'd have everyone select a rock. Then he'd arrange people at various points on a circle and talk about the meaning of north, south, etc. Then he'd have the people in the circle talk about whatever was being celebrated - a wedding, perhaps - and then place their rock within the circle. (You took them with you when you left - I have quite a collection.) Once we had a "cleansing circle" at my mother's house after she'd been particularly cranky and difficult during a Christmas vacation. (She actually seemed to enjoy it - Ron could be very disarming. He didn't care whether you believed or not, as long as you were willing to go along with the program. He also didn't mind laughing at his own beliefs.)
He made hand drums from hide stretched over a wooden frame, decorated with Native American motifs. I have one, and cherish it. He'd get us all to drum together first thing in the morning and chant in Yaqui.
He and his circle were all into portents and omens. Everything meant something. They were always being "guided" to do things. I once described to him seeing a flock of Canadian geese flying south - how beautiful they were as the early morning light glinted variously on wing and breast. He made a whole fable out of it - South had to do with artistic expression; this was a sign to me that I should investigate that; etc.
His totem animal was a bear. He would have preferred to have a wolf but, he said, he couldn't ignore the signs. They were all into totem animals. One Christmas he told me he had been guided to give me a little carved fetish of a badger - the kind Zunis make, with their medicine bundle on their backs. This was not long after my (horrible) divorce. I was a single mother, and broke, and nearly broken. The badger had something to do with what he saw as my fierce protectiveness of my son.
There must have been 300 people at his funeral. I know there won't be that many at mine. His Indian friends gave us necklaces and eagle feathers. Purified us with sage smoke, put us in the middle of the Great Circle, led a couple hours of chanting, drumming and talk. A Cherokee woman he had known, who clearly loved him, told me that Ron had helped them get land and funding for a Native American center near Bisbee. Told me that they had decided to call it Standing Bear Center after Ron.
Do I believe all this myself? No. But he did, and it changed his life in an absolutely positive way. I honor its power and beauty.
I just need to go through a bit of an intellectual exercise to separate the way you use the word from the way that I understand it, because I certainly know for 100% certain that you are a spiritual person.
