It is currently Mon Dec 11, 2017 8:56 pm

All times are UTC




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 233 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 8, 9, 10, 11, 12  Next
Author Message
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 08, 2011 3:54 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:56 pm
Posts: 173
Why does RL have to interfere so much with Real Amusement?

_________________
Bite off more than you can chew. Then, chew it. Ask for seconds.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 08, 2011 5:01 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 2:34 pm
Posts: 1578
Give me a day. I've had a rethink about Radagast and think I could fit him in. It really depends on how purist people want this. I did LOTR (partly) as a purist exercise and took that discipline seriously. If we intend the White Council and Dol Guldur to appear (and I think we should) then lots of invention is coming down the pipeline at some point. The trick will be not to make it look like fan fiction.

_________________
<a><img></a>


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 08, 2011 6:35 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:56 pm
Posts: 173
Take your time, Tosh. That's the good thing about this work; we're not on any schedules.

Of course, we could pass the time debating the difference between "fan fiction" and logical expansion of the character based soundly on what is revealed in Tolkien's writing. That might take away time spent on the actual writng, though . . .

_________________
Bite off more than you can chew. Then, chew it. Ask for seconds.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 6:29 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:56 pm
Posts: 173
:whistle: Boy it got quiet around here.

_________________
Bite off more than you can chew. Then, chew it. Ask for seconds.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 6:45 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 2:34 pm
Posts: 1578
That's 'cos we're working.

_________________
<a><img></a>


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 11:00 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 2:34 pm
Posts: 1578
Final part of my version of the second episode coming up. I checked back and see that Bilbo did pick up Sting at the troll den. I missed that. But I have altered it to make its origin in Gondolin that much clearer if only for the sake of another lost hobbit caught in the terror webs on the borders of Mordor.
You will see I have added a fair bit of invention. I think this is necessary but if you think otherwise get stuck in!

_________________
<a><img></a>


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 11:07 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 2:34 pm
Posts: 1578
The Hobbit: Episode Two: Roast Mutton: Part 2

(….....The company crossing the Fords of Bruinen and riding up the steep bank beyond.......)

Cut to them riding over an open hillside covered with heather and dotted with outcrops of rock and scattered birch trees. Cut to Gandalf on his white horse on the edge of a cliff. A suitable musical theme starts. Cut to the valley of Rivendell full of muted yet rich colours. A glow of sunlight and a mist of spray. The music swells. A few views of the valley.
Gandalf's voiceover : 'This is Rivendell the hidden home of Elves and the last homely house. The master here is Elrond Half Elven. He has lived here, for uncounted years. Come.'
Cut to the company wending their way down a narrow track among pines and flowers. A brief cut of a red squirrel jumping in the trees. We hear snatches of distant songs and laughter.
Cut to a young Elf running up to a group of four Elves playing lutes in a glade.
The young Elf: 'We have visitors! Can you guess who they are?' Heads shaking. The young Elf puts on a fierce scowl and mimes plaiting under his chin.
'Not dwarves!' 'How dull!' Laughter.
The Elf then indicates something at thigh height then lifts his foot up to mimic combing his foot and then pats his belly. The audience looks puzzled with some head scratching till one whispers in another's ear. He still looks puzzled.
'What is a hobbit?'
The young Elf: 'You'll soon see. I must take the news to Lord Elrond.' He sprints off.
Cut to the company riding over the stone bridge with the spray in the ravine below. Cut to some closer shots.
Ori to Dori, sourly: 'All you get from Elves is tra la-lally.' Dori nods.
Bilbo to Fili: 'Is this really an Elf House? I've never seen one before.' Fili smiles.
Gandalf turns in his saddle: 'Mind you treat Elrond with the respect he deserves!'
Cut to a tall dark haired figure with a strong aquiline nose and sober clothing waiting among blossoming trees before a delicate pavilion. Gandalf walks up to him and they both salute each other by raising their hands to their hearts.
Elrond: 'Hail Mithrandir. I see you have started on the quest to the north but I fear you are too few for the task. Rest and eat first and then we must talk. Radagast the Brown has come from Mirkwood.'
Cut to a night time, candle-lit room with translucent screens for walls. An austere flower arrangement is to one side. Elrond, Gandalf and Thorin stand at the head of a table The other dwarves and Bilbo are around the sides.
Elrond, raising his voice a little: 'Radagast, please join us.' Cut to Radagast, a tall lean man with a thin goatee beard and russet clothing entering and embracing Gandalf. He moves to sit quietly in a corner.
Cut back to Elrond: 'You did well to escape those trolls. The lands between here and the Sea have grown dangerous. The Men of the West who still protect the lands have fared ill of late. I hear you found some ancient blades in the troll den. Show me.' Gandalf lifts the three weapons in their faded scabbards on to the table. Elrond unsheathes the broad blade first and holds it to the candle light.
Elrond: 'This is old indeed. It was made in the first age of Middle-earth in lands that are now under the sea. This was made in the hidden city of Gondolin by my kin folk, the High Elves. It was famous once; Orc-crist, the goblin cleaver they named it. Take it Thorin.' He sheathes it and passes it to Thorin. Elrond takes the longer sword and again unsheathes it to inspect it in the candle light.
Elrond: 'And this surpasses the first. It is Glamdring, the very sword of Turgon, King of Gondolin. These are mighty swords out of the depths of time. Keep them well.' Gandalf takes Glamdring.
Elrond, picking the knife: 'This too is a blade from the lost city but I know not its name. Take it master hobbit. A knife may do duty as a sword for one of your stature.' He passes it to an awkward Bilbo who pushes it out of sight down his trouser leg.

Cut to Gloin: 'How did they come to be in a troll den?'
Cut back to Elrond who sighs: 'Who can tell? Dragons plundered Gondolin when it fell. It is said there is still treasure to be found in the caverns of Moria far to the south.' Cut to the dwarves stiffening and looking wary.
Cut back to Elrond: 'Now I believe you have a map too.' Thorin smooths out the thin sheet on the table. Elrond takes it and walks to a wall and slides a translucent screen back to show the starry night sky. His face lights up with moonlight. He hold the map up. Cut to an outside view looking down from among blossoming branches towards Elrond visible in the window holding up the map. Fire flies dart about. Cut back to the room from behind Elrond. We see the full moon in the sky. The camera tracks a little till the map hides the moon and lights up from the moonshine.
Elrond: 'I saw this map had moon runes. Come look.' Cut to a close up of the map in Elrond's hands and runes on the west side of the mountain appear in silver and get brighter and glow.
Elrond's voiceover: 'See the runes appear? They read, 'Look for the last light of Durin's Day when you hear the thrush knock. When is Durin's day?'
Cut to Thorin: 'It is the last new moon of autumn. I am the heir of Durin, father of the eldest line of dwarves. Tomorrow we must set off to cross the Mountains' Cut to the dwarves and Bilbo bowing and leaving. Elrond reaches out and touches Thorin on the shoulder
Elrond: 'Stay a moment Thorin Oakenshield.' He beckons Radagast to join them.
Radagast: 'I bear a message from the master of our order of wizards. Saruman summons the White Council. Bring what strength you can spare to the Golden Wood. He fears the Necromancer grows in power. '
Elrond: 'I shall come with the Elf Lords of my household.'
Gandalf: 'Alas Radagast, I cannot leave yet. I am bound on this quest.'
Radagast: 'If you tarry, Saruman will judge you on this. But I see you are determined. It is many years since you walked in Mirkwood, east of the mountains. I helped you once enter a dark place. But now, many evil creatures roam both within and on the borders of Mirkwood. I must travel now with Elrond and his warriors but I can leave you with help. Once I taught you some skill, Gandalf, with the speech of animals and birds. Before you press on I will leave a gift for your companions. Each will have a flask of the mead from the hall of Beorn that brings understanding of beast and fowl. Watch out for my messengers. Be sparing with it and do not waste it. When you cross the Misty Mountains, make for Beorn's hall and give my name. He does not welcome strangers and is swift to anger.'
Radagast turns to Thorin: 'Master dwarf, in the north of Mirkwood is the realm of the Elf King Thrandruil. He is proud and does not love dwarves. Take care and respect his laws.'
Thorin bows his head is assent.
Gandalf and Elrond stay while Radagast and Thorin leave.
Elrond, quietly: 'Do you have the time to follow this foolhardy quest? The White Council must meet before long. You know better than anyone who we face.'
Gandalf: 'I must see them past the first dangers. The hobbit has not grown into his courage yet. And would you have the dragon fall upon the Golden Wood and on Rivendell?'
Elrond looks at Gandalf and shakes his head doubtfully. Fade to black.
Fade into bright day and the company of dwarves and Gandalf approaching a mountain pass with white peaks above it. Cut to an eagle high among the clouds in the sky.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/toshofthew ... 822294415/

Cut to a high aerial view of the tiny company in file along a narrow mountain track. Fade to black clouds around a mountain peak and a lightning flash with an instant thunderclap echoing. Cut to the company sheltering in a cave. Lightning flickers constantly on the cave walls. The thunder is continuous, from cracks to rumbles, from soft to loud.
Cut to Bilbo by himself huddled in his oversized dwarf cloak.
A close up: 'This would be suppertime back in Bag End. Scrambled eggs on toast and gooseberry pie. I'm not much use here. Why did I come? Ah well.' He looks towards the entrance and his face lights up from a lightning flash.
'Wh-wh- what was that?'
Cut to the cave entrance and the next flash shows a mountain opposite. Two giant figures sit astride ridges and hurl vast rocks at one another. The flashes give a stroboscopic effect making them look like Harryhausen creations.
Cut to Gandalf: 'Stone giants from out of the north are about.'
Cut to Dori: 'Do we wait to be kicked sky high by one of those giants?'
Cut back to a disgruntled Gandalf: 'If you know of a better cave, go find one.'
Fade to the company asleep swathed in their cloaks, sitting hunched against the walls. The heads of ponies and dwarves droop. We hear some snoring. The storm has abated. The camera pans to the back of the cave to a tall narrow crack. A closer shot and the crack widens. A close up of the crack and suddenly two reddened evil eyes look out.
Cut to black.
Closing credits.

_________________
<a><img></a>


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 12:23 pm 
Offline
of Vinyamar
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 01, 2005 10:39 pm
Posts: 7913
Location: Ireland
:clap:

I know its not very purist, but I love it. Strikes all the right notes with me.

_________________
Image
The Vinyamars on Stage! This time at Bag End


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 8:31 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2009 5:03 pm
Posts: 5199
Location: Green Hill Country
I'm just a little confused as to when we changed from writing a film script to an episodic serialization...did I miss something while I was away? :scratch:

Whilst I don't mind deviating from the book, I appear to be rather more purist than I would have first thought, compared to the rest of the team here. However, my main feeling is that we still appear to be rushing through the story somewhat...The Hobbit is a slim enough tome to begin with, and we seem to be stripping it down to the bare bones, particularly in the trolls' scene!

Having said that, Tosh, great effort so far, and I found your changes re: the elves to work well, and the addition of Radagast and the White Council summons was nicely done.

Regarding Radagast, it is interesting to see how you envisaged him...I would have taken the opposite, more clichéd approach, and pictured him as smaller in height, than Gandalf and Saruman - shy and bird-like, I guess...

_________________
There is magic in long-distance friendships. They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond being physically together and is often more profound.
~Diana Cortes


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 2:27 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 2:34 pm
Posts: 1578
Quote:
I'm just a little confused as to when we changed from writing a film script to an episodic serialization...did I miss something while I was away? Confused


We discussed it on the first page. I have to admit I'm a fan of the serial format as one isn't bounden by movie times. And one can always expunge the serial endings if desired.

Quote:
Regarding Radagast, it is interesting to see how you envisaged him...I would have taken the opposite, more clichéd approach, and pictured him as smaller in height, than Gandalf and Saruman - shy and bird-like, I guess...


Well observed! I have to say after I'd written that I thought my Radagast ended up a bit too....muscular. Certainly assertive. I wanted to give him a value in his own right, make it him who knew Mirkwood, devised some aid he gave (perhaps to be specified later) for Gandalf to enter Dol Guldur and to use him to elide over the talking animal problem. All that and introduce the White Council and Saruman and Beorn and Thrandruil too!
But I think I could change the way he comes across with only a few changes. I think I prefer your image of Radagast to mine. I don't think it cliched at all. Other qualities that Radagast might have is a stillness, patience, kindness and a soft voice, all useful traits in a tamer of animals.
If people agree I could make a few changes. What do you all think?

ETA. I wasn't so much trying to trim the troll scene down so much as I was trying to make it less discordant to the later LOTR. It still dominates the second episode. You have a narrative problem to be solved when the same thing happens to 13 or 14 characters.
So far and I don't know how long this rule of thumb will last but around 25 pages of the book provides about 25 to 28 minutes of screen time.

_________________
<a><img></a>


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 2:37 pm 
Offline
of Vinyamar
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 01, 2005 10:39 pm
Posts: 7913
Location: Ireland
Sounds good Tosh. Regarding the choice between Serial and Movie, I expect if this were a Movie script we would be forced to to a lot more cutting! We're barely at Rivendell and I'd estimate somewhere between an hour and 90 minutes already written.

_________________
Image
The Vinyamars on Stage! This time at Bag End


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 10:09 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:56 pm
Posts: 173
I know I've been quiet for a few days, but I'm back. Tosh, nice work here. I love what you've done with the Elves, since we see them so serious most of the time. Now they're a little more relaxed, and that's all good.

Question: Why would Elrond ask Thorin to stay while he and Gandalf and Radagast are discussing White Council business? Thorin's not a part of the Council -- no Dwarf is-- so I'd think they would keep Saruman's message until outsiders had gone to bed.

Another thought: If we're in Rivendell, why don't we see Aragorn? He should be about 10 years old at this point, and would certainly be curious about the visitors.

As for movie or serial format, I've been putting things together as if this was a movie or more specifically a DVD. Movies can be as much as 4 hours long, if we're going into a serious summer epic, so we don't have much to worry about re scripting.

Anyone mind if I pick it up from here? I'm dying to write some more, and I'll have the time I need by the end of the week to get a new scene posted.

_________________
Bite off more than you can chew. Then, chew it. Ask for seconds.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 10:11 pm 
Offline
of Vinyamar
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 01, 2005 10:39 pm
Posts: 7913
Location: Ireland
Work away Ethel!

_________________
Image
The Vinyamars on Stage! This time at Bag End


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 7:13 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2009 5:03 pm
Posts: 5199
Location: Green Hill Country
90 minutes already, Al???? Do you concur, Tosh? I would be surprised if that was the case. Perhaps we are including some lingering scenic shots as well... ;)

Good points, Ethelwynn - I agree that Thorin would not have been included in W/C business - why not introduce Glorfindel at this point instead?

As for 10-year-old Estel, to see him in the background as a non-speaking cameo could be a nice nod to the fans, I guess, but I wouldn't want any more than that.

I remember Tosh suggesting the serial format, and I know we agreed on the 6 hours or so that PJ will have from 2 movies...I simply thought the original premise of this project was to see if we could come up with a script of our own that worked in the same way as Jackson's (ie same format,and including what we know or can second guess that he will include) and see if our results were as good or "better". If we produce an episodic dramatization then the two will not be comparable in that respect.

_________________
There is magic in long-distance friendships. They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond being physically together and is often more profound.
~Diana Cortes


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 10:04 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 2:34 pm
Posts: 1578
Quote:
Question: Why would Elrond ask Thorin to stay while he and Gandalf and Radagast are discussing White Council business? Thorin's not a part of the Council -- no Dwarf is-- so I'd think they would keep Saruman's message until outsiders had gone to bed.


Fair point. I merely included Thorin because of his rank and because Elrond had a greater trust of dwarves but it's inessential and I can easily amend it. It does give Radagast the chance to warn about Thrandruil; a foreshadowing moment that I am fond of using. I can just as easily get Radagast to tell Gandalf to warn the dwarves.


Aragorn? I made an elliptical reference to the troubles the men of the west had faced in protecting Eriador. I would have thought he was Elrond's greatest secret but a way could be found to fit him in somehow. I'd pop him into that group of lute players that the elf sentry talks to but anything more meaty might confuse the narrative.

Quote:
90 minutes already, Al???? Do you concur, Tosh? I would be surprised if that was the case
.
I can only speak to my own timings and writings but I work to just under 30 minutes per episode so I've clocked up just under 60 minutes so far.

Re, serial discussion:
Quote:
As for movie or serial format, I've been putting things together as if this was a movie or more specifically a DVD. Movies can be as much as 4 hours long, if we're going into a serious summer epic, so we don't have much to worry about re scripting.


I don't see the two formats clashing too much. Just eliminate any serial endings to form a movie format. There ought to be a sweep of narrative and pace and structure beyond the boundaries of a single episode anyway. If it's all the same to everyone I'd be happy continuing to write in a serial format but pick stuff out of it it to get what you want if you see anything of value and ignore the serial endings.

I had already written ahead a bit and have almost finished a first draft of the riddles in the dark but I'll hang on for Ethelwynn to post first. When a moment occurs I'll make amendments to what I've already written in response to comments and try to make the amendments clear to see.

_________________
<a><img></a>


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 3:15 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:56 pm
Posts: 173
Honestly, I haven't abandoned you guys. Life just decided to explode at my house. I'll hopefully be able to get to the scene today or tomorrow, if things settle down. If anyone else has a thought on it, I know I've been lax and feel free to go ahead.

On a side note, since Arwen's mother was gone when she and Aragorn married I wonder if Galadriel got stuck dealing with wedding planning and bridesmaid drama? If so, no wonder she bailed for the West as quick as she could. Save me a spot on that boat!

_________________
Bite off more than you can chew. Then, chew it. Ask for seconds.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 5:05 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:56 pm
Posts: 173
Here's the first part of the Goblin scene. I know it's taken me longer than I promised, and I hope it's worth the wait. For approval:

[Camera shift to Bilbo, asleep but fitful. Fade to dream sequence/misted borders. Bilbo dreams he is alone in the cave, facing the back wall. A crack slowly widens, then becomes a mouth with rock spires for teeth. Bilbo struggles, but a long tongue snakes out from the cave’s mouth and draws him down as laughter rings in his ears. Dream Bilbo screams for help.
[Camera pull back, shift to sharp focus. Bilbo is still asleep, twitching and struggling. The crack at the back of the cave widens, and Orcs enter, moving quietly. Camera shift to Oin and Gloin, who are nearest to the back of the cave and the Orcs. Focus on Orc Captain, who signals for silence and motions for the other Orcs to take the ponies and subdue the Dwarves before they wake up. Ponies stir nervously.
[Camera focus on Bilbo, dreaming. Bilbo gives a massive twitch and screams himself awake.]

Bilbo: Help! Help! [sits up, looks straight at Orc 3] Help! Goblins!

[Dwarves wake as Orcs spring into action. Thorin quickly brandishes Orcrist, which glows bright blue. Fíli and Kíli flank him. Dwarves group to fight, Orcs surround them. Orc 3 grabs Bilbo. Bilbo struggles, kicks Orc 3 hard. Orc 3 drops Bilbo, and Bilbo scrambles through the fighting. More Orcs come through the crack. Camera shift to Gandalf, surrounded by the largest and best armed of the Orcs. Gandalf raises his staff. Blinding light flashes, there is a blast of wind out from the center, and several Orcs fall dead. ]

Orc Captain: (disgusted) Skai! Take the rest below!
Thorin: Death first!
Orc 1: (laughs) Not much of a problem, that.
Bifur: (hesitant, soft) There will be no chance to escape once we are all dead.
Orc Captain: Surrender now and we will not harm you. (chuckle) Surely even Dwarves can reckon the odds here.

[Camera focus on Thorin, who glances around the cave. Most of the Dwarves are pinned in crevices, and surrounded by three times their number of Orcs. Camera focus on Bilbo, held firmly by Orc 3, struggling and biting. Focus on Thorin, who nods slowly.
[Orcs disarm Dwarves. They hiss and growl as they examine Orcrist, still glowing. Bilbo is roughly dropped next to the Dwarves.]

Orc 2: (to Orc 3) You checked that?
Orc 3: (holding bitten hand) Only thing it’s got is its teeth!
Bilbo: (voiceover) It? Well! Someone should teach you some manners!
Orc Captain: Get them down! We will see what is to be done with them.

[Camera pan back as Dwarves are marched through the tunnel. Dwarves are separated by Goblins, and each Goblin holds a blade to a Dwarf’s neck. Orc 3 picks up Bilbo by his hair and carries him. Orcs begin a marching song, keeping time by slapping their feet and poking their prisoners as they go.
[Camera follows tunnels, with many twists and turns. At last the tunnels open into a large cave of dark rock lit by torches. There is a stagnant pool in the center of the cave, with a large fire on a rock spur in the middle. Fire and torch light reflect off the dank water. Camera focus on Orc King, sitting on a carved rock throne with torches stuck around the back of it, wearing a crown that looks Noldor made, although not well cared for. Dwarves are pushed in front of Goblin King and forced to kneel. Bilbo is dropped near the end of the line. Orc 3 chuckles.]

Orc King: (drinks from a ram’s horn still attached to part of the skull. Beer spills down his chin. Belches.) What’s this? (chuckle) Who are these miserable persons?
Orc Captain: (bows) Dwarves, my lord.
Orc 3: And this! (pushes Bilbo forward) I caught him myself.
Orc Captain: By luck. (to King) We found them on our front porch.
Orc King: Shut it!

[Orc King rises, pulls a torch from his throne, walks toward prisoners. Examines Dwarves slowly, waving the torch near their faces. Dwarves cannot draw back because Orcs still hold blades at their throats. Orc King glances at Bilbo, snorts disdain, then confronts Thorin.]

Orc King: What do you mean by it?
Thorin: You will have to be more specific.
Orc King: No need! Spying on the private business of my people, I’d wager. Up to no good, no doubt! Thieves, I should not be surprised to learn! Murderers and friends of Elves, not unlikely! Come, what have you to say for yourselves?
Thorin: (dignified) Thorin at your service. Of all the things you suspect and imagine, we had no idea at all. We sheltered from a storm in what seemed a convenient cave, and unused; nothing war surther from our thoughts than inconveniencing goblins in any way whatever.”
[As Thorin speaks, Camera focus on Bilbo. Bilbo’s ears twitch. He glances right. Camera pan right, nothing is there except more Orcs. Bilbo’s ears twitch again. Camera focus on Orc King.]

Orc King: So you say! Might I ask what you were doing up in the mountains at all? Not that I do not know too much about your people already, Oakenshield! Let’s have the truth now or we’ll have a side of raw Dwarf with our dinner tonight!
Thorin: We were taking the shortest route available to meet with our cousins who live in the East. It has been some time since we have seen them, and –

[Camera focus on Bilbo’s ear, which twitches again.]
Gandalf: (voiceover) Be ready, Mr. Baggins!

[Camera focus on Orcs]

Orc Captain: Liar! (throws Orcrist at the Orc King’s feet) Explain that!
Orc 1: Explain how our mates died in that cave!
Balin: They were struck by lightning. (Orc 1 pulls him back by the hair)
Orc 2: In a cave?

[Orc King picks up Orcrist and walks back to his throne, snarling. Camera follows Orc King, enraged.]

Orc King: I know this sword! Murders and Elf-friends! Now we know the truth, and all your pretty stories are in vain. Throw them in the darkest holds we have until we are ready to reward these slayers of our kin in proper fashion! As for you, Thorin Oakenshield -- (lifts Orcrist as if to throw it like a spear)

[Camera focus on Bilbo. Bilbo glances right, follows something unseen around the pool. Torches and Fire flare out. Suddenly the Fire shoots up in a rush of flame, flaring along the roof of the cave. Bats fly, frantic, and many of them are also on fire. Orc King howls. Camera focus on Orc King as Glamdring flares blue and pierces Orc King through the chest. Orc King falls, leaving Gandalf standing behind him with Glamdring in one hand and Orcrist and his staff in the other.]

Gandalf: Follow me quick!

[Camera follows Gandalf exit middle right. Dwarves follow, as the Orcs are too busy trying to avoid sparks and burning bats to keep hold of them. Bilbo dodges around Orc 3. Orc 3 lunges for Bilbo, slips, and lands in the stagnant pool. Camera cut.]

_________________
Bite off more than you can chew. Then, chew it. Ask for seconds.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 5:23 pm 
Offline
Feeling grateful
User avatar

Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2005 12:41 am
Posts: 32716
Just wanted to say that I am reading and enjoying, just not feeling inspired to contribute (even on the level of constructive criticism).

_________________
Woods is most felt. Nice! it's gentle on your mind.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 8:01 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:56 pm
Posts: 173
At least you haven't given up on us yet. :)

_________________
Bite off more than you can chew. Then, chew it. Ask for seconds.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 3:15 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2009 5:03 pm
Posts: 5199
Location: Green Hill Country
Sorry you've had to wait so long for a response..only just found time to sit and read it through properly...

Not much to offer in the way of comments other than to say you've done a great job matching your scene to Tosh's in terms of pace and tone. It works well. I liked the little touch of Bilbo's ears twitching!

_________________
There is magic in long-distance friendships. They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond being physically together and is often more profound.
~Diana Cortes


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 233 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 8, 9, 10, 11, 12  Next

All times are UTC


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group