It is currently Mon Dec 11, 2017 8:48 pm

All times are UTC




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 233 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12  Next
Author Message
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 7:52 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 2:34 pm
Posts: 1578
Right, sorry folks I haven't contributed. I have had an eventful week and a half with both good and bad things happening. I had already written the first chapter before reading any of the previous contributions so will put up my version again as a comparison and without claiming mine is better. I was surprised and amused that Alatar and I had both independently come up with the idea of a humming chorus of dwarves. I will say I think the versions I have seen become too dependent on dialogue alone. and that sometimes the dialogue is too long. Visualising it gives it a feel of talking heads.
I don't have a particular problem with the burglar word. It's part of that conflict between the Bilbo version of the tale and the Quest of Erebor version. I visualise the word being used in a sardonic manner.
I have finished the second episode up to the first sight of the goblins in the cave by the way.
My version to follow..................

_________________
<a><img></a>


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 8:09 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 2:34 pm
Posts: 1578
…..
Gandalf: 'And here are the last of your guests. May I introduce Bifur, Bofur and Bombur and last but not least, Thorin Oakenshield himself.' Each dwarf bows in turn.

Cut to all the dwarves around a packed and untidy table full of plates and jugs and mugs and cups. Gandalf and Thorin sit together at the head. A brief cut to Bilbo balancing on a small stool near the fire looking confused. Cut back to the table and one dwarf tunes a small harp then hands it to Thorin. Dori takes out a small flute from his coat and Nori takes down a fiddle and bow from Bilbo's wall. Cut to Bilbo rising and collecting plates. The dwarves round the table help to stack them for him.
Bilbo, with exaggerated politeness: 'I suppose you won't be staying for supper?'

Thorin: 'Of course we will. We have business to deal with until late.'

The camera follows Fili and Kili carrying swaying piles of plates out of the room and cuts to them in the scullery. Bilbo follows them with more mugs and dishes. He looks concerned. The sound of a jig played on a fiddle comes from elsewhere and Fili and Kili start tossing plates between themselves and into a wide shallow stone sink full of steaming water and suds.

Fili, in time to the jig: 'Chip the glasses and crack the plates.'

Kili: 'Blunt the knives and bend the forks.'

Fili: 'That's what Bilbo Baggins hates.'

Kili: 'Smash the bottles and burn the corks.'

Bilbo tries to grab the plates but they are tossed too high.

Fili: 'Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl.'

Kili: 'Pound them up with a thumping pole.'

Fili: 'And when you've finished if any are whole,'

Kili, (letting a plate roll down his arm): ' Send them down the hall to roll.'

They both clap Bilbo on the back cheerfully.

A brief cut to the three returning to the firelit and candlelit dark room. Pan to Thorin by the fireside with the harp. He starts strumming it. The dwarves start humming a deep throated melody with harmonies like a South African choir. Over the humming Balin half sings, half speaks slowly.

Balin: 'Far over the Misty Mountains cold
to dungeons deep and caverns old
We must away ere break of day
to claim our long forgotten gold.'

Thorin takes over. Shortly after he starts the scene fades:
' The pines were roaring on the height,
the winds were moaning in the night.
The fire was red, it flaming spread,
the trees like torches blazed with light.'
As Thorin chants the scene fades to a town with towers and walls nestling in a valley. Cut to mountainside forests in flames and billowing smokes. Cut to a cobbled street with men women and children looking up at the sky in terror. Cut to a distant shot of the burning town.

Thorin: 'The bells were ringing in the dale
and men looked up with faces pale.
Then dragon's ire more fierce than fire
laid low their towers and houses frail.'
Cut to Bilbo's face as the chant draws to a close. He is gripped by it. He swallows and snatches a glance out of the darkened window.
Cut to the group and they all look towards Thorin as he puts his harp aside.

Thorin: 'We are met in the house of our new friend and fellow conspirator (a fast reaction shot of Bilbo at this), this most excellent and er, audacious hobbit. (at audacious Thorin casts a dubious glance at Bilbo) who will act as our burglar. We are here to discuss our plans. We set out at first light tomorrow on our long journey from which some of us, perhaps all, may never return. (Another reaction shot of Bilbo goggling in horror).
Bilbo: 'Not return? Not return? Nooooo!' He stumbles up and Balin accompanies him to the door with an expressive look over his shoulder at the others. Thorin looks quizzically at Gandalf.
Cut to Bilbo in the hallway leaning against the door panting. We hear Gloin's voice first from inside the room.
Gloin: 'Did we come to the right house? He looks more like a grocer than a burglar. Yet the mark was on the door.'

Thorin's voice: 'What use is he on earth or under it? He'd never dare come within smelling distance of a dragon new hatched from its shell.'
Bilbo's face hardens with resolve. He turns and pulls on the door. Cut to the firelit room and Bilbo framed in the doorway.

Bilbo: 'I believe you have come to the wrong house. I don't understand your talk about burglars but I think you believe I am no good. Well, I am a hobbit of the Shire and I will show you. Tell me what you want done and I will try it if I have to walk to the last desert and fight the wild were worms..... and I have no mark on my door. It is new painted.'

Cut to Gandalf standing by Thorin at the table.

Gandalf: 'Indeed there was for I put it there. Thorin Oakenshield, you wanted a 14th man for your quest and I chose Mr Bilbo Baggins. There is more to him than you or even he guesses. You may possibly all live to thank me by the end. Now I have something important here.' He takes out a thin roll of fine cloth and smooths it out on the table. 'Here is a map of the Lonely Mountain.'

Thorin: 'How does this help? I know the Lonely Mountain well enough.'

Gandalf: 'But this is a map made by your grandfather, Thror. And see here, (he points. Cut to a view of the map on the table with Gandalf's finger pointing to the side) a tunnel too narrow for Smaug to pass leading to the west. Did you know of it?' (A quick cut to Bilbo mouthing to Balin, 'Smaug?' Balin whispers back, 'The dragon.')

Thorin: ' That passage must have been the way my father and grandfather escaped the worm. They kept it secret even from me.'

Gandalf: 'And with the map is this key. Keep it safe.' He takes from his satchel a long fine thin key and puts it on the map.

Thorin: 'My grandfather died fighting the orcs at the gates of Khazad-dûm and I have not seen my father, Thrain in the last hundred years. How came you by these?'

Gandalf, solemnly: 'Your father, Thrain gave me the map and key to pass on to his son. I knew him not at the time and he had forgotten his own name.'

Thorin: 'Where?'

Gandalf: 'In a dark place. Forgive me Thorin but I cannot yet say more. Your father passed to the world of his fathers as I held him.'

Thorin: 'Then there is payment to be made. We will speak of this later. Now does this er, burglar here, have any ideas?'

Cut to Bilbo, floundering: ' Well, if it's all the same I should like to know a bit more about dragons and gold and things and then all plain and clear what are the risks and um remuneration and out of pocket expenses and so forth......' He looks out of his depth.
Cut to a pan of the grim or sorrowful dwarves around the table as far as Thorin.
Thorin: ' Three hundred and fifty years ago, Thror, my grandfather came to this mountain from the far north. His people delved and found gold and jewels and grew rich and Thror became King under the Mountain. Men came up the valley and built the town of Dale and traded with us and all was well. But our riches brought Smaug the dragon on us. The first we heard was a hurricane from the North.....
(fade as Thorin speaks in a voiceover to a small dwarf child, lightly bearded with his friends among the pine trunks of a forest. Cut to a mountain top and behind it is a red glow)
.....I was wandering in the hills that day and it saved my life......( we see a track of flame progress down a forest slope in the distance. Cut to massive gates in the mountainside and before them an army of dwarves a thousand strong. Spears and throwing axes are hurled at the camera. Bulky crossbows release bolts. Behind, more dwarves stream from the gates. Then the screen turns to a solid sheet of flame. Cut back to Thorin's grim face).....Smaug entered the mountain and scoured all the halls and passages till no dwarf was left alive. He is there still. It is the dragon's way to sleep upon the treasure they steal. At night he fell on Dale to take man and maiden for food. None live there now.'
Cut to the dwarf children holding each other and weeping in the forest when a small group of burnt dwarves come up behind them. '…...My father and grandfather escaped. When I asked how, they bid me hold my tongue. Since then my people have wandered, earning our crusts.'
Cut to Balin and Dwalin muttering: 'Blacksmithing!' and 'Coal-mining!'
Cut back to Thorin, grimly: 'But in all this time we have never forgotten. We will bring our curses home to Smaug.'
Cut to Bilbo: 'I daresay dragons have to sleep sometime as must we all. I'm sure you can think of some way to get in but in the meantime I intend to get to bed. Time for an early start for you all in the morning.' He opens the door. 'A good night to you gentlemen.'
Cut to Thorin: 'You mean an early start for us. You are the burglar after all.' He glances at Gandalf and grimaces. Cut to Bilbo in bed, pummelling his pillow then groaning then burying his head under it.
Cut to Thorin and Gandalf alone by the fireplace.

Thorin: 'What has our quest to do with these simpletons? They drink out of clay, they would do all they could to keep out of a tight place.'

Gandalf: 'You know little of them Thorin Oakenshield. You think them simple because they are generous and do not haggle. You think them timid because they buy no weapons from you. But these people are brave at a pinch....(Thorin snorts)...... I am SERIOUS! If you persuade this hobbit to join you, you will succeed. If you do not you will fail. If you refuse to try then I am done with you. You will get no help from me until the Shadow of the Necromancer finally falls on you.'

Thorin: 'Very well. I see some foresight is upon you.'

Gandalf: 'Good. But do not expect to see bravery at first. He is still flabby and fat and loves his comfort. I am fond of this hobbit. Treat him well and you will have my friendship to the end of your days. But I urge you to curb your pride and greed for wealth or you will fall from your path though your hands be full of gold.'
Gandalf and Thorin stare at each other.

Fade to a pile of washed dishes beside a sink with a tea cloth beside them. Leaning up against the sink is a long dwarf axe.
Fade out to closing credits.

ETA any missing words and dud grammar

_________________
<a><img></a>


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 3:18 pm 
Offline
of Vinyamar
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 01, 2005 10:39 pm
Posts: 7913
Location: Ireland
I think I prefer the previous version of this? Ethel's base with changes by myself and Elen.

I do like the idea of Thorin and Gandalf talking after Bilbo goes to bed, however I'd like to bring in the bit from QoE that it was Gandalfs appeal to friendship that finally decided Thorin. Something like the following:


Cut to Thorin and Gandalf alone by the fireplace.

Thorin: He is soft, soft as the mud of his Shire.You are playing some crooked game of your own, Master Gandalf. I am sure that you have other purposes than helping me.

Gandalf: You are quite right. If I had no other purposes, I should not be helping you at all. Great as your affairs may seem to you, they are only a small strand in the great web. But that should make my advice more weighty, not less. Listen to me, Thorin Oakenshield ! If this hobbit goes with you, you will succeed. If not, you will fail. A foresight is on me, and I am warning you.

Thorin: I know your fame, I hope it is merited. But this foolish business of your Hobbit makes me wonder whether it is foresight that is on you, and you are not crazed rather than foreseeing.

Gandalf: Go your own ways, Thorin Oakenshield, if you will. But if you flout my advice, you will walk to disaster. And you will get neither counsel nor aid from me again until the Shadow falls on you.

Thorin: Do not threaten me! I will use my own judgement in this matter, as in all that concerns me.

Gandalf: Do so then! I can say no more-unless it is this: I do not give my love or trust lightly, Thorin; but I am fond of this Hobbit, and wish him well. Treat him well, and you shall have my friendship to the end of your days.

Thorin stops and looks hard at Gandalf. After a moment he sighs.

Thorin: Very well. He shall set out with my company, if he dares. But if you insist on burdening me with him, you must come too and look after your darling.

Gandalf: Good! I will come, and stay with you as long as I can: at least until you have discovered his worth.'

Gandalf and Thorin stare at each other.

_________________
Image
The Vinyamars on Stage! This time at Bag End


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 11:10 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:56 pm
Posts: 173
Tosh, you put a lot of work into this piece. I love your characterization of Gandalf and Thorin's relationship. You're showing how much Thorin respects Gandalf and values his council with just a few lines of dialogue.

To avoid confusion, I'll leave the decision of which version we put in to a vote. Tosh has one version, the other is a combination of my work, Elentári's adjustments, and Alatar's suggestions. I'll post the reworked combination so we can all take a look at it.

Alatar, I love your dialogue between Thorin and Gandalf, but I would insert it earlier. I had a point where Bilbo has been turned out of his kitchen and pauses by the parlor door, and I think that might be a good spot for this bit. My point with that was the idea that Bilbo sneaks up on Thorin even while Thorin is denouncing his abilities. OK if I use your piece?

Tosh, would you mind taking the next bit, say up to the Trolls? You've got a great hand and I'd like to see what you have already done up.

_________________
Bite off more than you can chew. Then, chew it. Ask for seconds.


Last edited by Ethelwynn on Tue May 31, 2011 11:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 11:34 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:56 pm
Posts: 173
Here is the combination scene for comparison:

[Camera cut to Parlor. Bilbo pauses at the door. Camera shift inside, focus on Thorin and Gandalf, close near the fire. Camera shift to Bilbo, who draws back against the door sill. Camera focus on Thorin and Gandalf.]
Cut to Thorin and Gandalf alone by the fireplace.

Thorin: He is soft, soft as the mud of his Shire.You are playing some crooked game of your own, Master Gandalf. I am sure that you have other purposes than helping me.

Gandalf: You are quite right. If I had no other purposes, I should not be helping you at all. Great as your affairs may seem to you, they are only a small strand in the great web. But that should make my advice more weighty, not less. Listen to me, Thorin Oakenshield ! If this hobbit goes with you, you will succeed. If not, you will fail. A foresight is on me, and I am warning you.
Bilbo: (voiceover) What ever is Gandalf thinking? There is more to this than a surprise party to put me out of comfort! I’d wager my last bottle of Old Winyards on that!

Thorin: I know your fame, I hope it is merited. But this foolish business of your Hobbit makes me wonder whether it is foresight that is on you, and you are not crazed rather than foreseeing.

Gandalf: Go your own ways, Thorin Oakenshield, if you will. But if you flout my advice, you will walk to disaster. And you will get neither counsel nor aid from me again until the Shadow falls on you.

Thorin: Do not threaten me! I will use my own judgement in this matter, as in all that concerns me.

Gandalf: Do so then! I can say no more-unless it is this: I do not give my love or trust lightly, Thorin; but I am fond of this Hobbit, and wish him well. Treat him well, and you shall have my friendship to the end of your days.

Thorin stops and looks hard at Gandalf. After a moment he sighs.

Thorin: Very well. He shall set out with my company, if he dares. But if you insist on burdening me with him, you must come too and look after your darling.

Gandalf: Good! I will come, and stay with you as long as I can: at least until you have discovered his worth.'

Gandalf and Thorin stare at each other.
Gandalf: (raises his hand to silence Thorin, turns toward Bilbo) Why don’t you join us, Mr. Baggins?

[Camera focus on Thorin, startled, as Bilbo enters, takes a mug of beer from the table, and sits on a stool near the fire. Focus on Gandalf, smiling and nodding. Cut to door as Dwarves enter, carrying a cask of beer and several more mugs.]

Thorin: We need the right mood for our enterprise. A song!

[Dwarves arrange themselves in the chairs. Cut to Bilbo, confused. Dwalin stands behind Thorin’s chair. Thorin gives an opening tone and Dwarves match it more or less. Dwalin leads the singing, with other Dwarves joining. Camera cut to Bilbo, lowering his drink. Bilbo glances out of the window. In the growing shadows, the hills beyond the river seem to grow. A fire flickers in the distance.

[Camera fade to mist. Images of mountains, Dwarves working in mines, jewels set in golden treasures, and shining baubles flash through Bilbo’s mind. Overlay Bilbo’s face, smiling as imagined mountains with neat walking paths and strange but friendly people form in his mind. A log in the fireplace, sending sparks into the room and up the chimney. Bilbo jumps, then shakes himself, sweeps up the sparks, and turns. Camera pan Parlor; all Dwarves and Gandalf are looking at Bilbo.]

Thorin: (evenly) Where are you going?
Bilbo: (hesitant) I thought . . . a little light . . .
Balin: Dark is best for dark business.

[Bilbo nods, edges back to his stool. Cut to Gandalf, smoking slowly, lit by the glow from his pipe. Cut to Thorin, who stands, adjusts his clothing, and glances around the room.]

Thorin: Dark business indeed. This is no jaunt, but a quest to recover our stolen heritage, our kingdom of old, and our pride. (clears throat, somewhat pompous) We are met to discuss our plans, our ways, means, policies and devices. We shall soon, before the break of day, start on our long journey, a journey from which some of us, or perhaps all of us, may never return. I, of course, except our friend and counselor, the ingenious wizard Gandalf –

Bilbo: May never return? What!

Thorin (Sharply): Of course! There is a Dragon to be considered! How will we succeed where so many doughty dwarven warriors of old failed?

Gandalf: A new approach. You need stealth. He can smell a dwarf and hear your clodhopping boots long before you can get close to him. You will need a companion; one with professional stealth.

Thorin: A thief? A paid thief?

Gandalf: Our Mr. Baggins here!

Bilbo (Dropping the mug of beer): What? Me!

Gandalf: You can say Burglar if you prefer, or "Professional Treasure Hunter", but you must admit that Hobbits can move silently at need?

Bilbo: Well, yes, but... Burglar?

Gloin: (indignant) There is more of the grocer than the burglar about this fellow Gandalf!

Bilbo: Begging your pardon, I am no Burglar!

Gandalf: You are if I say you are! Or will be when the time comes.

Bilbo: (agitated) I do not pretend to understand what you are talking about in regards to burglars, but I most certainly am not one! You have apparently come to the wrong house for whatever you were intending, and I must say the inconvenience –

Gloin: The only thing I am certain of is that we are not at the wrong house. Gandalf himself gave us the directions, and arranged the meeting here this Wednesday tea-time.

Thorin (starting to rise): Enough! This ends here, I did not come here to be insulted!
Gandalf (Commanding voice*): Sit down Thorin! You asked me to find a fourteenth man for our expedition, and I have chosen Mr. Bilbo Baggins. I have very sound reasons for my choice, but if you do not like it you are welcome to go straight back to digging coal! (turns to Bilbo) Let’s have no more arguments. (Producing the Map and Key) Besides, there is THIS to consider! Bilbo, fetch us a lamp.
[Bilbo lights a lamp from a side table. Gandalf spreads a map on the table in front of Thorin. Dwarves gather around the map as Bilbo sets the lamp on the table, so Bilbo is pressed against the table and unable to slide out.]

Balin: Where did this come from?
Dwalin: I know all the maps of Erebor extant –
Fíli: No, you don’t.
Dwalin: (frowns at Fíli) but I have never seen this one.
Fíli: (to Kíli) My point is made.
Nori: (nudges Fíli sharply)
Gandalf: That is because it was drawn by Thror, your grandfather. He was one for keeping his own counsels.
Thorin: Ever. (examines map. Camera focus on map as Thorin speaks) I don’t see how it will help us much. I remember the Mountain well enough, and the lands about it. And I know where Mirkwood is –
Dori: (whisper to Óin) If we cannot avoid going through that place!
Thorin: --and the Withered Heath where the great dragons bred.
Bofur: Are there still dragons on the Withered Heath?
Glóin: I think not.
Bombor: I hope not.
Gandalf: If there were, no doubt we would have heard.
Balin: (reaches over Bilbo’s shoulder, points to map) There is the Dragon marked in red on the Mountain, but it will be easy enough to find him once we arrive.
Thorin: (to Gandalf) What is so special about this map?
Gandalf: This. (points to map) This secret entrance. You see that rune on the West side, and the hand pointing to it from the other runes? That marks a hidden passage to the Lower Halls.

[Camera cut to Bilbo, who stretches to better see the map. Camera focus on Runes.]

Thorin: (doubtful) How do we know the passage is still secret? Smaug has had more than enough time to find out all there is to know about those halls.
Gandalf: Fortunately, the passage is much too small for even a young dragon to have entered. Five feet high at the door, and three may walk abreast, according to the map. I doubt he has given it much thought.
Bilbo: It seems an enormous hole to me. How could such a large door be kept secret from everybody apart from the dragon?
Gandalf: No doubt the closed door is made to look exactly like the side of the mountain. This is the usual Dwarves’ method, and it is astonishingly effective.
Thorin: (proudly) Quite right. If the secrets are lost, even the masters that created the door will be unable to find it, or ever open it even on the unlikely chance that it is found.
Bilbo: Then what good is it?
Gandalf: (rummages through his clothes, pulls out a small silver key on a fine chain) Perhaps this will help. It came with the map; keep it safe.
Thorin: I will. (tucks key inside his tunic) This begins to look more hopeful. So far, we had planned to travel East as quietly and carefully as we could until we reached the far end of Long Lake. After that the trouble would begin –
Gandalf: (chuckle) A long time before that, or I’ve not been in those parts recently.
Thorin: (frowns at Gandalf) I had thought of traveling up the River Running to the old town of Dale. Still, the idea of going in the Front Gate seemed a bad one. It is too open, and the Dragon uses it too often unless he has changed his habits.
Gandalf: For that to work you would need a warrior, preferably one that could lead an army. You have a burglar.
Thorin: Then suppose our burglar offers some ideas of his own?

[Dwarves turn to Bilbo as Camera focuses on him.]
Bilbo: (squares his shoulders) First, I should like some details made clear. How did all this gold get collected in the Mountain? Where did the Dragon come from? Who does this treasure belong to?
Thorin: Durin’s Beard! What have we been talking about?!
Bilbo: (forced calm) All the same, I should like it made perfectly clear. Before we go any farther, I want to know about risks, out-of-pocket expenses, time required –
Ori: You want to know what you are going to get out of this and if you have a hope of coming back alive.
Bilbo: (nods) In a nutshell.
Thorin: (exasperated) Oh, very well. My grandfather, Thrór, returned our people to the lands discovered by our distant ancestor Thrain the Old. There were no settlements in the area at the time, but through dint of toil and excellent craftsmanship, and, I will admit, a bit of good luck in finding rich veins of gold and silver nearby, our people became very wealthy. Undoubtedly, our industry attracted the attention of a most especially greedy, strong, and wicked worm called Smaug. (shudders) I was an adventurous lad when I was young, always wandering about where I was not supposed to be, not attending to my lessons – and the day the Dragon arrived it saved my life. I saw the Dragon settle on our mountain and set the slopes ablaze.
Glóin: We thought the world was ending.
Thorin: For most of our people, it did. The Dragon left none alive inside the halls or in the town, and none of the warriors could so much as wound him. I have no doubt that he has looted all the treasures from the town and all of my grandfather’s wealth, and he no doubt sleeps on it for a bed.
Dwalin: But we mean to get back our goods, and bring our curses home to Smaug if we can.
Bilbo: (doubtful) So you are telling me that not a single warrior in the entire place could so much as hinder this beast when he was young? (Camera cut to Thorin, who nods) Then how did so many of you escape?
Thorin: Well, some of us were well outside when the destruction began, and some managed to slip away during the chaos. My father and grandfather joined us near nightfall, with singed beards. When I asked how they had got away, they told me that in the proper time I should know. (glances at Map) Now I know. (to Gandalf) But how did you come by this map?

Gandalf: I was given it. Your grandfather kept his secrets close, but he gave this map to your father Thrain before he went away to the Mines of Moria. When he died there, your father decided to try his own luck with the map and he set out for Erebor. He never reached his destination…by the time I found your father he was not well. He never gave me your name, nor could he remember his own. I think I have done well to find you at all and return your property.

Thorin: (suspicious) And where did you find my father, may I ask?

Gandalf:: I found him a prisoner in the dungeons of the Necromancer…. he was witless and wandering, and had forgotten almost everything except the map and the key…

[fade into dark screen: we hear scuffling noises, and the sound of someone shuffling…a light source flickers into existence and we gradually make out an old beggar man (disguised Gandalf) peering with the light of a torch at an old, pinched dwarf, horrendously malnourished and covered in scars from torture which are barely concealed by the rags he wears.]

Gandalf: [voiceover] He said he had possessed a great Ring: nearly all his raving were of that…”the last of the Seven” he said over and over again


Dwarf: (raving) The ring... the ring...he took it back!
Gandalf: (alarmed) The Ring? Which ring are you talking about? (He kneels down beside the Dwarf)
Dwarf: He took back the ring... the last of the Seven...
Gandalf: (grunts with just a little relief) You had one of the great Rings? Who are you?
Dwarf: (moaning wretchedly) I could not save the ring... He was looking for it. (suddenly calms and seems lucid for a moment. Leans in towards Gandalf and whispers) But he did not find these... (withdraws from somewhere amongst his tattered robes a key and a map and presses them into Gandalf’s hand) For my son...

Gandalf : (talking to himself) He was looking for the Ring? Who is he? The Necromancer? But why would he go chasing the Rings...? (becoming alarmed again) He cannot be... No, it's impossible, surely!

[Gandalf puts his hand to the dwarf’s forehead and reads his memories* of his torture, the identity of the Necromancer is revealed to be Sauron… Gandalf gasps in horror…he releases his hold on the dwarf’s mind and the dwarf dies. A noise is heard from the outside of the dungeon. ]

Gandalf: ( takes the key and the map, gives a last look to the dead Dwarf.) I will keep these, my poor friend, until I find your son... whoever he is... [fade back to Bag End.]
Thorin: (sighs, nods) I see. Well, when we have finished with the Dragon we shall have to pay a visit to the Necromancer.
Gandalf: (snorts) I would think the Dragon and the Mountain were more than enough for you.
Bilbo: (nods) Hear, hear!”
Thorin: (frowning) Hear what?
Bilbo: Hear what I’ve got to say. (Camera cut to Thorin, who nods. Cut to Bilbo, now flustered as all Dwarves stare at him.) Well, I think you ought to go East and have a look at things as they are. You have a map and a key, and Dragons have got to sleep sometime. I daresay if you sit on the door-step long enough something will turn up. Now, what about bed and an early start? I will cook you all a good breakfast before you go.
Thorin: Before WE go, I suppose you mean. Isn’t it your job to sit on the door-step and get inside as best you can? But I agree about breakfast. I like six eggs with ham when starting on a journey; fried, and mind you don’t break them!

[Clips of Bilbo finding enough beds for all the Dwarves. Some share beds in the guest bedrooms, others settle down in front of the fire. Cut to Bilbo, climbing into his own bed, wearing a nightshirt. Bilbo blows out the candle. The room is in deep shadow.]

Bilbo: (mutters) Fried, and mind you don’t break them! Well, my lord Thorin, you can bloody well fix your own wretched breakfast. It might do you some good!

[Camera fade to black.]

_________________
Bite off more than you can chew. Then, chew it. Ask for seconds.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 7:53 am 
Offline
of Vinyamar
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 01, 2005 10:39 pm
Posts: 7913
Location: Ireland
Thats a nice mix. I'd like to argue for the removal of one line though.


Gandalf : (talking to himself) He was looking for the Ring? Who is he? The Necromancer? But why would he go chasing the Rings...? (becoming alarmed again) He cannot be... No, it's impossible, surely!

I really think we need to avoid too much talk of the Great Rings, particularly the One, or Gandalf looks like a fool for not suspecting Bilbo's.

_________________
Image
The Vinyamars on Stage! This time at Bag End


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 9:48 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 2:34 pm
Posts: 1578
I have no problem with Thrain declaring the loss of the dwarf ring. It is merely background and may even usefully mislead the viewer when Bilbo finds the Ring. I think any mention at all of the One Ring is fraught with danger Even at any White Council narrative it has to be handled with the utmost caution. Basically as soon as it is mentioned the viewer knows exactly what Bilbo has found. I haven't got that far yet but I would handle the Ring business from Bilbo's end by him keeping it a secret from Gandalf and from the White Council's end by Saruman's obfuscations.
If you want to have the Necromancer/Sauron connection revealed here, which I think muddies the initial narrative somewhat, I suggest Thrain says that the hand that took it had a missing finger/claw. It might be sufficient clue for Gandalf to reach a conclusion about the master of Dol Guldur. Were it me, I'd leave this for a later point when other narratives have to kick in. I merely put the name of the Necromancer in as a vague threat that could be picked up again later.
I am a little confused about the Thorin/insulted line. It seems to come out of nowhere.

Have you timed this dialogue? If this is to be a serial format, writing (which includes camera work and structure and pace and incident) has to be to a timescale. The final part of this piece was about 18 minutes of solid dialogue. I fear it runs the danger of appearing stodgy.

_________________
<a><img></a>


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 1:15 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:56 pm
Posts: 173
Yes, there's a lot of dialogue here but we can trust our director (who, of course, knows how to plot these things) to block the scene so that it doesn't feel like a bunch of old men sitting around a fire talking about the "old days". At least I hope we can. It's what we're paying him or her for.

_________________
Bite off more than you can chew. Then, chew it. Ask for seconds.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 3:11 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 2:34 pm
Posts: 1578
I try to get as much of the sense of cinematography and soundtrack and settings and general direction as possible without (I hope) it getting ponderous. I can't really get a sense of it from just an actors script.
One other thought struck me about what has been amalgamated so far. The attitudes of dwarves towards Bilbo has been caught well and the interaction between Gandalf and everyone too. These are important. But I don't get a strong sense of Bilbo's conflicting urges and the magnitude of his decision (soon regretted). It is an important psychological moment.
Anyhow, coming next, as requested, is a version of the first part of the second episode to be chewed over, altered, added to and trimmed.

Even though we progress in the story I think earlier elements should always be up for revision and discussion.

_________________
<a><img></a>


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 3:15 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 2:34 pm
Posts: 1578
The Hobbit: Episode Two: Roast Mutton May 31 2011

Bright sunlight and birdsong. A medium close-up of a bumblebee on a patch of buttercups. The camera lifts to follow a brimstone butterfly up a lane with hedgerows over a small bridge where we hear the sound of falling water, then up a hill to Bag End. The camera lingers for a moment on the brightly coloured door then moves again to the left around the hill to the round windows. Cut to a close up of a window and a yellow snail creeping up a mullion. The curtains behind are closed. As this journey takes place we see the opening credits; JRR Tolkien's The Hobbit: Episode Two, Roast Mutton etc.
Cut to Bilbo asleep in his bed. Sunlight filters in through the curtains. Cut to an extreme close-up of his face on the pillow and an eye opens. It looks around. Cut to him sitting up in bed and listening. Pan as he gets out of bed (in a nightshirt) and goes to his door. He opens it a fraction and listens at the crack. Cut to Bilbo in the scullery looking at another pile of washing up. He walks to the window. Cut to a close up of his wistful face looking out of the window.
Bilbo, softly: 'Don't be a fool, Bilbo Baggins, thinking of dragons and adventures at your age.' He sighs and turns. Cut to him fully dressed with his sleeves rolled up pouring a huge kettle of boiling water into the shallow sink next to the dirty dishes. Cut to him eating a large plate of sausages and bacon and eggs and mushrooms and fried bread at a table. A pot of tea and cup and saucer is nearby. He lifts a forkful to his mouth when he pauses and looks to one side. Cut to Gandalf stooping through a door.
Gandalf: 'My dear fellow, whenever are you going to come? What about your early start? It's already half past ten. Is this a second breakfast? Did you even read the message?'

Bilbo, still chewing: 'What message?'
Cut to Gandalf flourishing a sheet of paper from under a clock on the mantelpiece: 'Great Oliphaunts! Don't you even dust your mantelpiece first thing? This one.' He holds it up and starts reading. 'To the burglar, greetings. Our sincerest thanks for your hospitality and offer of professional assistance. Our terms; cash on delivery, one fourteenth of total profits, if any; all travelling and funeral expenses to be paid by us or our representatives unless otherwise arranged for. We await you at the Green Dragon Inn at Bywater at 11am sharp. Yours deeply etcetera Thorin and company. (he puts the paper aside and looks at Bilbo) That means you have ten minutes and will have to run.'
Cut to Bilbo, another forkful in mid air: 'But...'
Cut to Gandalf: 'No time!'
Cut to Bilbo: 'But....'
Cut to Gandalf again: No time for that either. Off you go!'
Cut to Bilbo trotting down his path towards camera looking flustered with Gandalf watching him from the Bag End doorway.
Cut to Bilbo hurrying and puffing down a green leafy lane past other astonished hobbits who turn and stare at him. Cut to a view of him crossing a small bridge from a mirror like pond. We hear the rushing water again. The water mill is off to one side.
Cut to a weather worn wooden sign suspended from a post with a cheerful if not playful green dragon clutching a mug of ale painted on it. The camera tracks down the post to Balin with a mug in his hand by a round open door. He is looking down a road. He turns and whistles softly. Dwalin's head appears from the door. Cut to Bilbo meeting Balin and sinking on to an outside bench to recover his breath. He fans himself with his hand.
Bilbo, gasping: 'No time...for hat....stick...no time to... take some money.... not even a..... pocket handkerchief. Phew.'
Dwalin has walked out: 'You will have to manage without many things from now on. We have a spare cloak and hood if you don't mind the fit.' Balin laughs.
Cut to Thorin and company approaching on well laden ponies. A small crowd of curious but silent hobbits is gathering to watch. Cut to Bilbo looking up dubiously at a spare small pony. Cut to the company riding away from the village street, the group of hobbits still standing and watching in the distance. Gandalf is riding up on a small white horse. He slows and passes down a pack at the back then rides to the front next to Thorin.
We hear from the back Bilbo's voice: 'My pipe and pipe weed! Thank you! Oh and a pocket handkerchief too!' Gandalf smirks and Thorin rolls his eyes.
Brief shots of the ponies in shady steep sided lanes, or along white blossomed hedgerows edged with umbellifers of white lace then crossing the Brandywine bridge with the stout gate and watch house., then passing rolling white downs with tiny standing stones in the distance then desolate moorlands and then hills. There should be some pleasant musical background. At first a sense of folk song then more brooding.
Cut to a night scene of a rain lashed camp in woods, dwarves huddled under cloaks watching Oin and Gloin around a pile of twigs. They attempt to strike tinder with no luck.
Oin: 'Gandalf soon left when the weather turned worse.'
Gloin: 'Just when his fancy fire making tricks would have come in handy. Will this night ever end. They should be short at this time of year.'
Balin comes into frame and points: 'See that red glow over on that other hill. There among the trees.'
Cut to a far off spot of red in a stand of timber on a hillside. Cut back.
Ori comes up and peers: 'These lands and the road are unguarded. No one here has heard of the king. The less inquisitive you are, the less trouble you find.'
Cut to Dwalin: 'So what? There are thirteen of us dwarves.'
Someone calls out: 'Don't forget the burglar.' Much laughter.
Cut to Thorin putting an arm on Bilbo's shoulder and pointing: 'Here's your chance. Find out all about that red light and come back.'
Cut to Dori, Nori and Ori:
Nori: 'If you can't, hoot twice like a barn owl.'
Ori: 'And once like a screech owl.'
Cut to Bifur and Bofur exchanging humorous glances.
Cut to Bilbo looking frightened and swamped by his huge dwarf cloak. He looks around then squares his shoulders and walks off.
Cut to Fili and Kili stopping him, patting him on the back and giving him the thumbs up. They watch him go.
Cut to Bilbo moving slowly and stealthily between trees and boulders taller than him, very alert. His face takes on a reddish glow and his eyes open wide in fright.
Cut to a tall bulky indeterminate shape silhouetted against the glow from a large red fire.
Cut back to Bilbo's face and he whispers: 'Trolls!'
Cut to a glowing long log fire in a boulder strewn clearing on a slope. A carcass is suspended on a long spit above the fire. Three bulky half formed figures are bent over surrounding the fire.
Cut to a close up of a troll head, indistinct features, deep set tiny eyes, no nose just nostrils. A fissure appears for a mouth: 'Mutton yesterday, mutton today and bloody mutton tomorrow.'
Cut to two squatting trolls, thick short limbs, flames flickering on their bodies.
2nd troll: 'Not one bloody bite of man flesh. Why bring us to these parts?'
3rd troll: 'Shut yer gobs. You et a village and a half between you. How many more do you want?'
He pulls a whole leg from the carcass on the spit and puts it in his great open toothless maw. We hear the bones crunching.
Cut back to the first troll's face: ' No you shut yer gob or I'll shut it for you.'
Cut back to Bilbo biting his lip in indecision and looking back. He whispers to himself: 'Oh well, I was brought here to be a burglar. I'll show 'em! Here goes!' He starts to move forward carefully.
Cut to Bilbo behind one enormous troll who is squatting down. Bilbo moves softly forward and looks inside a large open bag half his height. He reaches in gingerly.
A black crow flies out in his face croaking loudly: 'Kraa! Thief! Thief! Kraa!' It circles and pecks at Bilbo's head. Bilbo covers his head with his arms and turns to run but is plucked up by the arm by a fat troll arm. He swings in the air by his arm, struggling. Cut to the first troll holding him as the other come up.
1st troll:'What's this?'
Bilbo: 'A hobbit.' He tries badly to make owl noises.
1st troll:'What's an obitoohoo?'
Cut to 3rd troll biting a point on to a thick long branch. He spits out shavings: 'We can cook it, make a change from mutton.'
Cut to 1st troll holding Bilbo: 'Nah, no more'n a mouthful when it's skinned and boned.'
Bilbo:'Don't cook me. I'm a good cook. I cook better than I cook, er, if you see what I mean.' A brief cut to blank troll faces starting to frown with thought. Cut back to Bilbo dangling: 'I'll cook you a smashing breakfast.'
1st Troll: 'Poor little runt. I et already. I'll let him go this time.'
2nd troll looking over a shoulder: 'Might be more, scorch his long feet to find out.' The first troll turns and smacks the second in the face: 'Mind yer business fat face. I found him.' A return blow and Bilbo falls to the ground. The troll blows sound like striking rocks. Bilbo rolls away as the trolls fall to grappling. The camera follows him as he runs to a dense bush and hides behind it.
Cut to the third troll smacking the fighting pair with his spit. He stops and listens and croaks: 'Dwarf!' The other two stop immediately.
Cut to Balin and Dwalin walking cautiously between two large boulders, their hands ready on their axe heads on their backs.
Balin in a loud whisper: Bilbo?'
They both turn as both boulders grow arms and rise as trolls and seize the dwarves. Cut Balin being dropped into a vast sack held open by a troll.
Cut to Dori, Nori and Ori venturing between the boulders. Cut to a larger wriggling sack held at the neck by a troll.
Cut to Oin and Gloin held struggling in the air. Cut to Bombur glaring in a troll fist.
Troll voiceover:'More meat on this one.'
Cut to Thorin, Fili and Kili moving through the woods. Thorin motions the two young dwarves behind him and draws out his long axe from over his shoulder in a smooth movement. He swings it about for a few turns. He moves forward and Fili and Kili follow behind with their axes too.
Cut to Thorin entering the clearing. He raises his axe above his head.: 'Khazâd ai menu!' He charges in and swings the axe round at a troll's knee. The axe splinters and the troll bellows and topples. Thorin pulls out the burning spit from the fire and handling it lightly pushes it into a troll face to another bellow then spins and smacks the third across the face with it. The spar is grasped and pulled and as Thorin pulls back he is seized. Cut to Fili and Kili hacking at trolls uselessly and being thrown into bushes with sweeps of troll arms.
Cut to the trolls looking at three bulging and wriggling sacks.
Cut to Bilbo watching from a bush, hand to his mouth aghast.
Cut to a close up as he whispers to himself:'I never signed up to be a warrior. What can I do?'
A brief cut to a sky lightening to grey against a mountain peak. Cut to two of the trolls.
1st troll: 'Is there time to cook 'em? The night is going.'
2nd troll: 'Yer if we roast 'em. I'm still hungry.'
3rd troll voice: ''Always thinking of yer gut yer stupid fool.'
The camera pans as the second troll storms over and punches the third troll in the face.
2nd troll; 'Call me stupid?'
3rd troll: 'I never did. I'll shut your lying face. Take that!' He punches back and again they start grappling .
Cut to the two trolls nursing injuries and being kept apart by the first. He walks towards the sacks and the camera follows him and we hear one of the others call out: 'Go fetch some water yer lazy pile of squit ter boil 'em and boil yer head at the same time.' The troll turns and growls and stamps back.
Cut to Gandalf beside Bilbo by the bush, both with broad grins. Gandalf is cupping his mouth and he calls out in a troll voice: 'You smack me again I'll pull yer fat head off.'
Cut to the three trolls rolling on the ground pounding each other and growling. Cut to Gandalf walking from the bush with Bilbo cautiously behind him. The grey light is brighter. Cut to the three trolls stopping and rising together and moving together threateningly. Cut to a longer shot and Gandalf walking towards them. They are much bigger than him. He raises his staff and strikes the ground.
He calls out loudly: 'Dawn take you all and be stone to you!' The trolls look up and turn to escape. Cut to the sun peeping in a sliver on a mountain ridge. Cut to the back of a moving troll head catch a beam of sun and changing colour and texture. Cut to the other two trolls moving then slowing and freezing as sunlight fully hits them. Cut to the troll hide growing into stone.
Cut to Gandalf untying a huge sack on its side with Bilbo behind him. Gandalf talks over his shoulder: 'Hill trolls turn back to the stuff they were made from if the light of the sun touches them...... a pause..... But I expect you know all that.'
Cut to a circle of very irritable dwarves massaging their limbs and looking askance at Gandalf and Bilbo.
Gandalf, briskly: 'Well come on then. There must be a troll den nearby where they hid from the sun. The trail will be obvious.'
Cut to Gandalf leading the line of dwarves up a hill track. Cut to several dwarves pushing on a boulder to reveal a cave entrance. Cut to Bilbo and the dwarves wandering around a dim cave with skulls and armour and weapons and small piles of gold cups and coins. The dwarves start collecting it into bags. Cut to Gandalf appearing from a long dark tunnel bearing three blades in faded scabbards. One is long, one is medium length but broad and one is a long slim knife.
Gandalf: 'These must have been in the troll den for half an Age and more. They were in the deepest reaches of the cave.'
Cut to Gandalf and others outside. Gandalf is examining one of the blades, a broad bladed medium lengthed weapon with a broad fuller down it. It gleams in the sun.
Gandalf: 'These were not made in this age of Middle-earth. Indeed I have not seen their like unless you count the blade that was broken. The runes on them are very old and even I cannot read them but I know someone old enough who could. He is not far away now.'
Cut to Thorin and Balin.
Thorin: 'Have the things of value buried carefully nearby. Those of us who come back from this can share them.'
Cut to the company riding their ponies across the fords of Bruinen and up the steep bank opposite....

_________________
<a><img></a>


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 12:46 pm 
Offline
of Vinyamar
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 01, 2005 10:39 pm
Posts: 7913
Location: Ireland
I like it! :thumbsup:

_________________
Image
The Vinyamars on Stage! This time at Bag End


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 4:38 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:56 pm
Posts: 173
Tosh, all I can say is :bow: You covered Bilbo's conflict about joining the quest, and gave each of the Trolls individual personalities that come through strongly in the dialogue. Granted, I've only read it through once and that was pretty quickly (darn RL!) but I'll offer more detailed assessment when I've reread things tomorrow. Congratulations. This is really good.

_________________
Bite off more than you can chew. Then, chew it. Ask for seconds.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 8:46 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 2:34 pm
Posts: 1578
Here are some of the ideas I was trying to portray.
First the idyllic nature of the Shire while we were still in it. The buttercups, brimstone butterfly and yellow snail a subconscious reference to gold. The snail about Bilbo's sloth. Then a feeling that the adventure and opportunity was lost and already gone until Gandalf appears back. Then I wanted to populate the Shire a little. In the book we basically only see Bilbo. Then I wanted to give a disconnect with the humorous hobbit view of a comical dragon with the later real one.
I am trying to build a closer relationship between Fili and Kili and Bilbo for the later poignancy. I am trying to make Balin and Dwalin more warlike and like Thorin's lieutenants.
When Bilbo sees the trolls I hope to give him a psychological reason for tackling them. The crow seemed a useful solution to the talking bag idea and also introduced the talking bird idea gently. And it provides a handy unexpected fright. I liked the idea of trolls camouflaging themselves as boulders and tried to concertina the captures without getting repetitive. Thorin is shown as a capable warrior and Fili and Kili as his kinsmen who will try and protect and fight with him. I liked the idea of the trolls slowing and freezing as if they were congealing in the sun. And I am trying to create crossovers with LOTR with the Barrow downs, Oliphaunts and the sword that was broken.

Those are just some of the thoughts in this passage. In the episode I have completed we reach Rivendell and beyond and I have some ideas that bear on the White Council theme. Would you like me to continue to the end of the second episode after this bit has gone through the collaborative process?

Now we know PJ is inserting Radagast into his version. I can see the narrative benefits concerning the talking creatures that are such a feature of this tale. I haven't included him myself because once he is there we are into serious rewriting of the story line. I have no objections to that; I think The Hobbit needs a lot of amendment to turn it into an adult tale rather than a children's jaunt but such things need careful planning.
Any thoughts?

_________________
<a><img></a>


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 11:20 am 
Offline
of Vinyamar
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 01, 2005 10:39 pm
Posts: 7913
Location: Ireland
None, apart from "Keep up the good work!"

_________________
Image
The Vinyamars on Stage! This time at Bag End


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 4:54 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:56 pm
Posts: 173
Tosh, you handle difficulties in our story really well. I like the idea of the Dwarves coming up in groups; it makes better sense than if they came individually anyway. Also, the talking bird is a great way to establish both the idea of talking birds with Radagast and the talking Raven later on. Your dialogue is clear, defined, and definitely fits your characters.

My only suggestion would be that I think we need to show Bilbo taking Sting from the Trolls' lair here. Gandalf and Thorin get their swords, but we never see Bilbo pick up his sword.

I think we've got enough for the first part so far. I'll get things put together and see how many pages we have. BTW, does anyone know how to figure time for these? Dialogue can be read, but fight choreography is more difficult.

_________________
Bite off more than you can chew. Then, chew it. Ask for seconds.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 7:06 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 2:34 pm
Posts: 1578
I imagine in my mind the events taking place and time myself. I overestimate the time because one needs space. The first and second episodes that I have written both came to about 25 minutes which I think is about right. 27, perhaps 28 minutes are OK but when I did LOTR I reckoned 30 minutes made it feel too crammed. You can convey narrative very quickly, often in a matter of seconds, dialogue a bit more slowly but scene setting and atmosphere needs time to work.

In the book the allocation of the blades from the troll den doesn't occur straight away.I have written more to this episode that I haven't posted yet. In the Rivendell sequence that follows I have Thorin and Gandalf getting their swords. I think Bilbo must get his later but I haven't refreshed my mind as to precisely when yet. It's not till the spiders that he actually names it. I use Gandalf examining the blades to foreshadow Elrond. I think foreshadowing a story element subtly is a useful technique.
Does anyone want me to post up to the end of my version of the episode. It's not a lot more.
I paused where I did because the remit was to cover the troll sequence.

_________________
<a><img></a>


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 10:49 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:56 pm
Posts: 173
If someone has to say it, I will. Yes, Tosh, please give us the end of the scene as you've written it. You're a lot more patient than I am, BTW.

_________________
Bite off more than you can chew. Then, chew it. Ask for seconds.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 08, 2011 7:26 am 
Offline
of Vinyamar
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 01, 2005 10:39 pm
Posts: 7913
Location: Ireland
Sorry. RL catching up with me again!

_________________
Image
The Vinyamars on Stage! This time at Bag End


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 08, 2011 1:37 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2009 5:03 pm
Posts: 5199
Location: Green Hill Country
I'm back but still catching up - you guys got through a lot while I was away. :thumbsup:

I too like the combined version of the "parlour" scene, and the idea of Thorin and Gandalf chatting after everyone has retired...I think with the song(s) to break up the talk, plus the flashback it shouldn't be too heavy-going.

Will read rest and comment more later.

_________________
There is magic in long-distance friendships. They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond being physically together and is often more profound.
~Diana Cortes


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 08, 2011 1:37 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2009 5:03 pm
Posts: 5199
Location: Green Hill Country
I'm back but still catching up - you guys got through a lot while I was away. :thumbsup:

I too like the combined version of the "parlour" scene, and the idea of Thorin and Gandalf chatting after everyone has retired...I think with the song(s) to break up the talk, plus the flashback it shouldn't be too heavy-going.

Will read rest and comment more later.

_________________
There is magic in long-distance friendships. They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond being physically together and is often more profound.
~Diana Cortes


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 233 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12  Next

All times are UTC


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group