andYou wrote:anthy, I understand that you delete your posts out of fear that we will judge you for them. In essence, you imagine us being mean or indifferent to you.
And if we are mean, horrible people,
I don't understand the confusion.I wrote:If that habit is making ANYONE think that I think of them as mean, horrible people,
I agree, you would almost certainly not have sat up in bed and made any kind of decision about deleting if this discussion hadn't taken place. I'd like to focus, though, not on the fact that you had a reaction to a discussion. That is a given for us all: We read, we react. My point goes to the substance of your reaction. That is what I'm saying is all Anthriel. Someone else (like myself) might have reacted thus: 'Jewel, I'm sorry my manner of posting causes you frustration, but that's what works for me.' Perfectly fine, as well, I think. Or: 'Tough. Deal with it.' Not really in keeping with the tone of the board, but still, a legitimate reaction, since deleting is not against board policy.anthriel wrote:However, words do have effects on this board, else why would we even be here? I doubt I would have sat up in bed one day and said " I MUST STOP MY TERRIBLE HABIT!" if others had not come in and told me how much it upsets them.
I'm sure you are more on the right track here than I am; for Frelga to say something more like you describe would certainly be less horrifying than what I read.Teremia wrote:I have been reading this thread with interest and affection.
One comment: "If we are mean and horrible people" (in Frelga's earlier post) means (I believe) "If we turn out (which is most unlikely) to respond viciously and unfeelingly to your post, Anthy, and thus reveal ourselves (despite all previous experience) to actually BE mean and horrible people..."
Frelga was speaking counter-factually, dear Anthy, don't you see?
Certainly she didn't mean to suggest you think of any of us as mean and horrible; rather that if you said something sensitive, and we replied fiendishly, then we would be revealing ourselves to be, to everyone's great surprise I'm sure, mean and horrible people.
Which, thank goodness, we are not. I say that with great confidence.
Well, it looks like this is one of many misunderstandings that we're clearing up in this thread! I really thought we had posted when we adopted that new rule for the Marshals, but after running a few quick searches, I couldn't find anything; it must have been an oversight. I hope that now that you know we've been doing this for years and plan to continue to do so, you feel more comfortable.Nin wrote:Well as I had no means to know this, since then I was always wondering if there could not have been a deleted post of which I knew nothing and never felt as comfortable as before in posting. I'm glad to know it now.nerdanel wrote:There has not been any "double standard" on this for a very, very long time (in Internet years); your comment deals with old history. (ETA I'm not sure that we ever publicly announced that we had adopted this policy, which we probably should have done at the time - sorry!)
But it just shows how much the deletion of a post can affect the level of comfort on a message board.
Frelga, I am just so GLAD that I really didn't upset you with that stoopfid selfish (ex-) habit of mine! And I am *also* glad, FWIW, for you to write here that what you meant to say may not have been exactly echoed in what you wrote. I'm not usually THAT obtuse. I think I was just reading you literally, which is not what you meant to convey.Frelga wrote:Teremia, thank you, that's more like what I meant to say than what I actually said was.
I need to think before I write anything more.
I'll be back. /ArnieVoice
It just killed me to think that every time I deleted/edited something, you were over there thinking that that meant I had no faith in you, or this board, as kind and supportive people. As Teremia so tongue-in-cheek writes, all evidence to the contrary! I have always depended on the kindness of... my imaginary friends.
