Prim, I do sympathize. I am currently paying my way through grad school, which is not quite the same as paying to send kids to college, but gives me a 'taste' of that.
My mother's family had no money to send her to college. Her father's family lost all their money in the stock market crash in 1929, so they sent only their oldest child (out of 11) to college. [He became a dentist, and an alcoholic, and I think committed suicide.] My grandfather was the second oldest, so he worked in a steel mill his whole life. My mother was the youngest of six, so he had retired before she got to college-age. She took out loans and worked as a cocktail waitress (among other things), paying her own way through college (she also paid for her own wedding, which was very small and simple....so much so, that her father-in-law offered to pay for something nicer, if she wanted it).
My father's family told him that they would pay the bill for him to go to college, but he had to go to a co-op program (school 2 semesters, work one semester) - all the money he earned from the job went to his family (before taxes). In this way, he ended up paying a good bit of his own way through college, and his program was 5 years. My father's family was white collar; both of his parents had graduated from college, and his father started a family business.
My parents went to the same college, which is how they met
.As I mentioned earlier, they have 5 children...which should be a comfort to them in their old age, but is of course a nightmare at the moment. For 14 years, they will have one or two kids in college every year - the third graduates from college in 2 weeks, and the fourth just made his decision of where he is going
.When I (the oldest) was looking at colleges, they told me I could go wherever I wanted to - the money would be worked out. They didn't want me to choose a cheap school just for that reason. But I did choose a state school, and got a (modest) scholarship, so it wasn't so bad. [Oh...and the chem. e. degree I got from U. of Delaware is just as prestigious as MIT, by the way... as my classmates found out when they applied to graduate programs elsewhere
] My sister, the second child, went to a private school....but got a full tuition scholarship. So, my parents paid her room and board (and books and such), but again, not too terrible.
The third (the one who is graduating, woo hoo!) went to a small private college - no scholarship. So, yeah, she's the expensive one in the group
. But she will also have the best-paid job coming out of it - her degree is in nursing. (Okay, okay, if I had gotten an engineering job, I would have been paid well, too! Nobody's fault that I'd rather teach high schoolers....) My brother, the fourth, is going to an out-of-state state school next year. So, it won't be horrible, but the rates have gone up since I did that. It certainly costs real money!
Supposedly, my father has planned the finances so my youngest brother will also be able to go to college. I know that it is a huge sacrifice they have made for us - my dad made a comment (only once!) that he could have "retired 10 years ago" if he weren't paying for our education. It is a bit sobering to think that my dad has spent years working just to send his kids to school - forget paying for the house or utilities or cars or food or taxes.... Anyway, so I am one of those extremely lucky people who graduated college without a huge debt. I realize that most families can't pull that off - it just isn't feasible.
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Re: lifestyle
Yes, in part, it depends a lot on 'what everyone else has.' Cell phones are ubiquitous. The school system I am in has a reasonable rule - the kids may have their phones on them but they must be a) silent and b) out of sight. Teachers can confiscate them, otherwise. And yes, everyone seems to have forgotten about the phone in the office - including the parents
I do not have a cell phone. I maintain that no one ever calls me on the real phone, so why bother? But then my mother always complains that she can't get ahold of me while I'm out. I know that I am a bit weird - I don't have a credit card, either. What did people do before cell phones? They used pay phones. And they, well, communicated with people when they were available. If you want me to do something for you, tell me a day in advance, not while I'm driving home. Is that so hard? When we lived in the country, my Mom only went grocery shopping every 2 weeks. Somehow, we all managed not to starve. Now that we live in suburbia, she has to stop by the store at least once a week. And while it is closer....it takes just as long to get there and back
As for traveling....if my car breaks down, I stand on the side of the road until a guy stops who a) has a cell phone or b) can fix it for me. This is, in fact, better than having a cell phone myself
. Generous people have driven to a gas station and brought me gas when I ran out, changed a flat tire on the side of the interstate, and in general checked to see that I was okay and had a ride and that someone was coming to help me. So, that was good 
. [No, I'm not going to get into a strangers car ]When I travelled by train and was unable to meet someone, I would find the pay phones and call to let him know the plans had changed. Hmmmm... I can sew. My favorite clothing store is good will. I wear things until they aren't even fit to be rags. I look for bargains. I drive an old used car (well, newish for me - it's a '99), stickshift, no automatic windows. [I buy my cars in cash - this is the third one, and I still haven't spent anywhere near the price of the most basic new one
] The only time I've lived somewhere with AC was in the dorms in college. I haven't really had to pay for my internet connection so far, but I imagine that I would if I had to - that is not something I am willing to give up. To this point, I have abused priveledges at work (and my parents' hospitality). I would not pay for cable TV. In fact...I would not buy a TV for quite awhile. I don't watch it that much. While I was growing up, my friends were always shocked that my family had only one TV and no cable - we got maybe 4 stations. Watching cable was the 'bonus' of babysitting...though I quickly discovered that there was nothing on from 11-12 at night....My Mom got practically everything as hand-me-downs. Most of my wardrobe came from 'a bag of clothes.' This includes the outfit I am wearing at the moment - a dress and sweater.... She had such a good network going, that people would just deliver stuff to us all the time. Seriously - bags of clothes would turn up on our front porch or in the back of her car at family get-togethers (or in the school parking lot), or whatever. I imagine we gave some stuff away, too, but mostly we wore it out - it had to go through 3 girls or 2 boys
. I learned from that a little, so set up my own network of used books in high school - one geometry book was purchased new by a student (friend of mine) two years ahead of me, and was used every year through my youngest sister - so, what, 8 years? That thing was so heavily annotated by the time she got it, it was like a collective diary . [It was passed down through friends the years it wasn't going to my sisters]I was raised to be frugal and make good decisions about how to spend money. I don't always do that. Sometimes, I splurge, or make poor decisions. I may go broke before I die, who knows? But I would like to think that I will make sure there is money there for the important things in life....I would like to think I would look ahead a bit and not back myself into a hole. But, bad stuff happens, and being unemployed next year would mess me up. I don't have a job yet. Certainly, I hope to have one by August....but I don't have it yet. I have been lucky so far, but then again, I am very young.....
