As a member of the coveted Minority Slut* (Ms.) demographic, allow me to agree with Governor Romney. Ms. are not Real Americans** who came over on the Mayflower. Rather, to the chagrin of Real Americans, we swooped in prior to the 2008 election*** and started committing voter fraud by Voting While Brown and chipping in our votes to elect a socialist Muslim Kenyan dude. We thought he'd be the perfect Big (Brown) Brother, sympathetic to our desire to be given
free Stuff and Things. See, we don't like to do work or pay taxes. This is because we are too busy having sex. Lots and lots of promiscuous, unmarried, immoral - but never fear, still heterosexual!, 'cause we aren't completely morally backwards - sex. To have the necessary oodles of heterosexual sex to qualify as a Ms., we need birth control. For free, 'cause we can't afford our own, because we're not working.
Now when we get bored with having sex in our free government housing, sometimes we decide on a change of scenery -- and head off to a university campus to have lots and lots of sex there. We accomplish this by taking out student loans that we will not be able to pay back because we are lazy and do not want to work. You can tell that we come from families that are lazy and do not want to work, too, because any respectable family worthy of university attendance would pay their children's tuition in cash, rather than asking the government for Gifts like high-interest loans that cannot be discharged except by death. Big Brother Obama looked out for us with way better gifts! He forgave our college loan interest**** and gave us those free contraceptives AND let us get onto our parents' health care plan, so we could get treatment for all the STDs we acquired while - and I can't stress this enough - having lots and lots and lots of sex.
Now some of us Ms. come from other countries, and we don't all have papers. This is because we are lazy and standing in line to get legal documents would force us to burn precious calories that we need to save to sleep, laze around, and have sex. But sometimes, when we are not given free birth control, sex leads to (brown) babies. This creates a Demographic Problem of there being too many of us brown people. Once we've had some anchor babies, our greatest DREAM is that we can get some free Stuff and Things for those babies, like amnesty and in-state college tuition so that our babies can grow up and go to school, where they will themselves do nothing but have lots and lots of sex thanks to free birth control and healthcare.
A final point about us Ms. We care ONLY about getting our free Stuff and Things paid for by job creators and hardworking Americans. We cannot wrap our pea brains around, and do not care about, "big issues for the whole country" like "military strategy, foreign policy, a strong economy, creating jobs, and so forth." Since we cannot be arsed to work, we
especially do not care about job creation, because that just means the existence of more jobs that we can't be arsed to do. So while Team Romney did so much work, "all the calls, all the efforts, all of the organizational work, the fundraisers," we really could only be bothered to stop having sex long enough to do one thing:
vote. We're pretty pleased with how that turned out.
*shorthand for "single woman"
** shorthand for fairskinned Americans
*** We come from faraway lands where brown skinned people can be found naturally. For myself, I was inspired to come to America in pursuit of Stuff and Things when Governor Allen (R-VA)
welcomed my people, the Macacans (or as he called us, "Macaca, or whatever his name is") to "America, and the real world of Virginia." It was difficult to stay away from this country after such a warm welcome.
**** actually, when did this happen? Because I'm still paying my student loan interest.
